My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Can I color on your dick again?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
