i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize