Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
