you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
