tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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