And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
