This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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