I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
