How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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