i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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