One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
What a dumb baby whore.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize