I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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