I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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