dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
