I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
her vagine was all disorganized.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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