I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
