I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
