Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
