I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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