i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
