Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
