well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
