They should really pass out barf bags in church
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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