My friends, they love my intelligence
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
