he wants to bone in the snuggie
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
