this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
