so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize