I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
