The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize