'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize