just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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