I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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