my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
