Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
