My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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