My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
