so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
the condom got lost in my hair
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
