I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
