I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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