happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Watching her eat just hurts me
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
