I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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