Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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