dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
