Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
