so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
