sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I did not marry a roomba.
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