White coat. Heels.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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