those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
