Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
