I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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