please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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