I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I met the friendliest cop last night
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
