i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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