Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
