she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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