i jhust puked up my retainher.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Randomize
