I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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