I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
