Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
