i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
