can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
