I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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