i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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