non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
