haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
