I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
