Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
