break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
