I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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