I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
