im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
