are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
