im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
